I haven't posted for a long time because I wasn't sure if I should and then I wasn't sure if I wanted to share.
Last Tuesday a dear friend went in for a prenatal visit and found out that her baby had died. She was 29 weeks along. She gave birth to Addison Cooper on Thursday. He weighed 1 pound 11 ounces and was 14 inches long. He had long, perfect feet just like his daddy. His hands made me think that he might have played piano one day. One of the first things I saw was his right ear. It was just so perfect. His funeral is tomorrow.
Miscarriage and stillbirth aren't talked about enough in our society. It needs to be out there, not to scare prospective mothers, but to make it easier for people who suffer through this awful thing to get support and understanding. I was lucky enough to have been present for my friend during her labor, along with her husband, another friend and the midwife. Every woman needs a doula, especially a mother laboring to deliver a child who is stillborn. She needs the support and love of her family and friends. Just being there to listen, being present, being yourself is so important.
Here are a couple of webites that were helpful
Sands and the MISS Foundation.
Sands had a section on clothes that were made for babies who die. That part really got to me. I felt that I had to make something special for Addison. I knit a hat (actually two, so the family could keep one) for Addison. My friend wanted to keep the blanket he was wrapped in at the hospital, to make a little shadow box memorial for him. They were so great at the hospital. They did ink footprints and then did a little plaster cast of one of his hands and one of his feet. They also took pictures. She and I were talking about what to put him in, in the casket. She wanted to put him in something warm but wasn't sure what. I was able to needlefelt a papoose kind of blanket for him from natural Corriedale wool roving and secure it with some left over yarn from the skein for making the hat. I feel a little weird talking about the "crafty" things that I did for him, but it was so important to me. It was my way of saying "you were loved."
2 comments:
OH my, this is such a powerful post, thanks.
I'm 27 weeks pregnant and that colours my view a bit, but there isn't a day goes by that I don't think about the very fine edge between life and death. Our previous pregnancy ended in miscarriage and once you've been there you never take the life to be for granted.
I think your crafty contributions are really wonderful and I know if I had been your friend I would have really treasured your efforts. It's a very rare thing to be able to pay homage in such a practical and nurturing way.
Thank you.
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