Friday, December 08, 2006

Sick and tired...

on a couple of levels. I have had a wretched cough for almost five weeks now. I am on three medications. I am so run down.

The Iraq war is horrifying. So much death and destruction. I never wanted the US to go there, and yet I feel like we can't leave until we somehow fix all of the horrible things we have done, but it seems we make it worse by staying.

I have also been greatly saddened by the loss of James Kim. I followed the story, and thought of writing in the guestbook on the website, but I could think of nothing comforting to say.

At the same time as I was biting my nails over the Kim family, I read of the loss of a 12 year old girl on Amy's website.

I never wanted to have children until my brother had his son almost 8 years ago. It opened a door for me that had been very securely shut. I have a three year old daughter and my husband and I are trying to having a second. I fear losing my child(ren). War, mistakes, accidents, life. I can't tell you how many times I've been baking with my daughter or reading a book to her or grocery shopping with her and I have thought how what I am doing would be impossible for a mother in Iraq or Darfur. There are days when I feel like I've had a crappy day, and I just need a gingerbread latte to make me feel better, what a load of crap. And yet my feelings and my life experience are valid. How can someone find balance in all of this?

I love chocolate. Michel Cluizel 72% Noir is a dream come true. There are times when I feel like I need it, almost like medicine, probably more like an addiction. There are children who are working in slave labor to produce chocolate. I just sent an email to Michel Cluizel to ask about their sourcing of chocolate.

I am a vegetarian. I feel guilty about the eggs and cheese that we eat. I don't really feel too guilty about the honey, though. I don't think I have the energy to do what needs to be done though to change.

There are ways in which we conserve. We recycle. We compost. Then there are ways in which we are profligate. Going out for coffee everyday. Buying too much crap.

Maybe I shall institute stream of consciousness Friday.

1 comment:

Pikku- Kettu said...

"The weight of the world". I know this feeling as well, and it's awful. You can only do so much yourself and sometimes you feel so frustrated that you can't do more. But the only thing we can do is try, and do the little bits. Like being vegetarian (I am as well), recycling and being a responsible consumer.

I hope you have a better day today!